Letters to the Factors
by The Infallible Detective
Summary: Letters are an archaic form of communication, but they're the best for getting the message across, especially in the Mafia. Especially in OUR Mafia. Various Pairings; includes Varia and Millefiore. Rated T for language and suggestive scenes. Many prompts.
1. Yamamoto's Oyasumi Nasai  8059

**D-San: **D-San here with a more Canon-centric series. This story is about letters. Letters between characters, between me and some other characters, and so on. Settings jump all over the place, and so do ages, so I'll be typing some additional info in here.

Numerous pairings; both yaoi, yuri, straight, box-animal x box-animal, Human!Box animals x Human!Box animals, what have you. There will be happy letter, advice letters, sad letters, so some characters may be OOC depending on what letter they're featured in, but I'll keep them as in character as I possible can. What else...Oh, yeah, the rating. It'll be rated T for suggestive content, alcohol, drugs, language, and use of the word VOI in any of Squalo's letters.

**Prompt: "Oyasumi Nasai"**

**Inspired By: **Higurashi OST - Dear You

**Central Characters: **Yamamoto Takeshi, Gokudera Hayato.

**Small Summary: **They were always separated by a small stream that could easily be crossed. In the end, it was all a large shoving match that one of them ended up losing for all eternity. But here's a letter to remember how the game panned out...

Anyway, I hope all of you enjoy.

**Disclaimer: D-San doesn't own any of the KHR! characters or plotlines. She just owns whatever convoluted letters she publishes here.**

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><p>~ ( <strong>Oyasumi Nasai<strong> ) ~

I tried reaching out to you so many times before, but you were always so far away. We were separated by a small stream; I could easily leap over it and reach you if you let me. I smile wryly whenever I remember the way you'd glare at me. You yourself were the barrier that always pushed me away from you. And although I didn't know how to tell you that without upsetting you…I guess you already knew that yourself, right? And that's why you stayed the same and I stayed the same. Neither of us changed, did we? I kept living my life, and you kept living yours. The both of us in a relentless shoving match; me trying to shove my way in and you trying to shove me away.

Did you know that I was always there for you? I suppose you wouldn't. You took measures to make sure that I could never reach you. Ah, but I found a loop-hole. It's like that Mordor Shctick; you can't simply stroll into it. Like with you; I couldn't reach you just through your body. No, I had to reach you through your heart. Even though I don't know if I accomplished that…you made me smile. Even now, you still do. Even your glare sends my heart into a home-run crash course with yours. You don't understand exactly how much I…

I wrote this before the fact, so I hope you'll excuse some errors. Before I found you, I felt lonely. What are friends, what are companions, without a love to enjoy them with? Even when I fought valiantly for all of you, I fought for your future. And I never really wanted this letter to sound as sappy as it does right now. I still have so much to say, so I'll try to put it all in letter form for you. Don't throw this away yet; I'm not done!

Silver hair like fine wire, green eyes like summer leaves, pale skin like…hm. I don't have anything to compare your skin to, haha! I'll come up with it later, I guess. Let me move on. Your scowl…it was one of the cutest things I've ever seen! Okay, wait. I don't like this section.

_He __scribbled __out __that __portion __with __permanent __marker__…__how __grim._

I guess I had grown used to your scowl. I really did. The first few times I saw it, I laughed it off on the outside but felt hurt on the inside. I mean, I felt like you didn't like me. But you were just trying to be there for Tsuna as much as you could. When we were kids…I admire that about you; you're loyal. You're also blunt; not afraid to speak your mind. That's admirable in a person. You could be concerned when you wanted to be, in your own unique way. I liked the way you always yelled at me when I did something stupid. It showed me that you cared, y'know?

Remember the adventures we had? The best adventure ever was in the Future. I remember when we had gotten separated; I had Lal Mirch on my back and you were with Future Ryohei. The floors started to move, and I was going down while you moved up. You actually reached out to me; extended your hand to try and save me…After staring at your palm for a while, I just rejected it. I didn't want you to sacrifice a hand for my sake. Just the fact that you did that made me smile. I was like, 'Awesome, he really _does_ like me'. When we watched Tsuna fighting together, we were both united. We were both worried about Tsuna's wellbeing, and…I…I had never felt closer to you than when we were worrying about Tsuna.

That became an issue, didn't it? I got a little jealous of Tsuna. It was always him who got your attention. You loved Tsuna more than anything, like a good right-hand man. I guess I was kind of selfish, wanting you to show more affection to me. But then again, I wasn't because I never did anything about it. I just sat there and laughed. I laughed like some deluded moron, and that only added to your vision of me as an idiot. Maybe _that _was why you never showed your affection for me outright; I was a moron.

We were never very romantic towards each other. Not in the strict sense of the word, anyway. The most we ever did was hug, and even those moments were few and far between. I would buy you the occasional coffee or _tiramisu_, and you would buy me a coffee and a candy bar from the store. Now, I notice one thing about you that you didn't notice about yourself. You never, ever, ever-ever-_ever_ bought me a store-made bento box with sushi in it. That means a lot to me. You know that I'd get insulted if you bought me something like that. Processed fish; disgusting. So, we bought each other things, and we'd occasionally invite each other to our houses…if that made sense. What I mean if that I'd come over your house and you would come over my house. I'd cook you Italian dishes, and you would prepare sushi or other Japanese dishes that I liked. You're still the only one that knows that I can't stand sushi. I've had it for twenty-two years; you have to get tired of it after a while. Dinner over at your house was _awesome_. Especially since you had so many racing games. Your cars were always decked out. I always got the defaults.

You cast a spell on me, that's for sure. I remember the first time we hugged. That was awesome! We were at Hibari's house that time—not sure why, now that I look back on it. But you had just wrapped your arms around me, and you drew me closer to you. I hugged you close, almost too close, because you grumbled and hit my chest. Your love taps were so cute.

I didn't start off loving you like I did; in the beginning, you were actually pretty weird. Then we became comrades. When did that really happen, I wonder…when we faced Mukuro? When we faced the Varia? I think it was when I was fighting Squalo, when you actually acknowledged me as an intelligent fighter. Yeah…then after that, I slowly started to love you. It was a surreal experience, loving you. And I was glad that I had the chance to do it, even though you tried your hardest to shove me away. I got through to your heart. At least, I feel like I did. Even while you're reading this, you're trembling, right? That's the kind of reaction I'd want.

This isn't going to be considered smart by you. But like I said, I wrote this before the fact. Planned out everything. Yep, even that moment. Instantaenous death is more romantic, right? Well, catch you later, lover. I'll see you underneath the big blue sky again, I promise.

Oyasumi nasai.

_That idiot…I'm not trembling. Not for him. Not at all._

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><p><strong>D-San: <strong>Yeah, this is going to work...well, this was the first letter, albeit sad. More letters are being written, and I'll put them up soon. Until then, Owari, my beautiful audience!


	2. Xanxus' Angry Letter

**D-San**: The second letter! This time, it's from Xanxus. D'aaaaawww!

**Prompt**: "I'm motherfucking Xanxus."

**Inspired By: **My friend Andy and I had a talk about Xanxus and how pissed he'd be if he were real and actually reading all of this fanfiction about him. xD

**Central Characters**: Xanxus, D-San

**Small Summary**: Xanxus decides that enough is enough. He's pissed and weilds a pen and a phone. He's deciding to write to an author that will hopefully sympathize with him...

**Disclaimer/Warning**: D-San doesn not own any KHR! characters, only the letters. This has a lot of cursing in it, but it's Xanxus, so you should expect that...

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><p>You know what, trash? <em>Fuck<em> you. Fuck your stories, fuck your plots, just _fuck_ you. I ain't about to be made into a laughingstock just because you want some goddamn kicks. You don't know who I am, _do _you? Well, I'm Xanxus, motherfucker. I have two Xs in my name for a reason—no, they're not variables! They let you know I'm the Tenth two times over, and you'd best remember that.

_Can __I __cross __out __the __X__s __in __your __name, __Xanxus-kun? __Because __you__'__re __being __a __real __anus __in __this __letter__…_

If you cross out the Xs in my name, I'll personally come to your trashy hut and blow your face off and stick your dick in your eye sockets.

_How __the __hell __did __he-?_

You don't have one? Doesn't matter; I'm Xanxus and I'll do whatever I want to you, scum.

_Hey! I'm not scum, thank you very much!_

Now, I'm going to take a moment to set some things straight right now, starting with the Varia.

I don't care about these pieces of shit. I'm not fucking the shark, I'm not fucking the prince, I'm not fucking Levi, and there's no way in _hell_I'm fucking the flamboyant _fag_ Lussuria. Being with Mammon is pedophilia on the outside, and being with Fran is impossible; Bel kissed the frog a long time ago. I don't take sloppy seconds.

I'm a powerhouse, damn it. I swear the only reason Sawada won is because my guys kept bitching at me, and I just decided 'Hell, I'll give them some charity'. That's the _only _reason. If I was focused on Sawada only, his ass would be grass. Turkey neck*. I swear.

_What __does __turkey __neck __mean?_

Doesn't matter what the hell turkey neck means; just get that Sawada would be six feet under, sleeping with the fishes, doing the dusty graveyard tango, all that shit.

Let me calm down for a minute. Ugh. My blood pressure. I actually have a lot of health problems, if you need the truth in this damn letter. High blood pressure, low tolerance threshold, hypertension, anger issues. I've had them since I was a kid; a young guy. You see, I first noticed my Flames when I was six—this is _gay_. But I'll keep going anyway.

So, okay, I found my Flames and then my whore of a mother started spouting off nonsense that I was really this guy Timeteo's son, and I was getting pissed off because I'm like 'I know that he ain't my dad, you delusional whore', but she wouldn't listen and then I was sent off to live with the asshole. And then you know what happens next; I live a lie for years and then finally gather up the shark and the rest of the misfits and start fucking shit up. Then I get frozen.

Do you know how much that pissed me off? I mean, who the fuck wants to get frozen in a block of ice! I really think that there should be a rule during hot, unbridled combat that you can't just go and freeze someone. It's anticlimactic, really.

_What __do __you __know __about __anticlimactic, __Xanxus-kun..?_

I _need _to tell you something. Right now. If you ever make a story where I fall in love with someone, I'll kill you. Blow you to pieces. Turkey neck. I swear.

_What __the __hell __does __that __even __mean; __I __want __to __know!_

I don't 'fall in love'. I _fuck_, sure, but that's _it_. Love is for punks like Sawada and his motley rainbow crew which I don't like to be associated with _period_. It pisses me off when people say "Oh, hey, it's the Varia, who works for Tsu-kun kyaaaaah"—_cut __the __shit_. I ain't working for Sawada, ever. Oh, the thing I hate more than being smitten by some Mary-Sue bitch and being told that I work for Sawada is when I'm _paired _with Sawada. I guess everyone forgot how I tried to blow his fucking face off during the fight at his middle school. I swear, you have no idea how much that pisses me off!

_Xanxus._

What?

_Why __are __you __writing __me __a __letter __while __you__'__re __dictating __it __to __me __over __the __phone?_

Screw conformity; I don't have to please you, you piece of shit!

_…_

Hmph. I guess I like stories that keep me in character. I like stories that make me look like a badass. That's why I write my own. Don't you _dare _laugh. I'm tired of being written out of character just to satiate these fangirls' dripping pussies. I'm tired of it, damn it! You haven't had a chance to write me into any on your stories, but you had better take this as a damn good warning, okay? I have two guns and I'm not afraid to use these bitches!

_Such __an __angry __letter__…_

This is the end, I guess. Wait, no, it's not.

_Fuck_.

I need to tell you about when I got Bester. It was the _best_moment ever. I mean, he's just like me. If I was a lion and he was a lion, we would be twins.

_…__Bester __**is **__a __lion._

He's regal and cool, like yours truly. He doesn't take shit, and he's powerful. When you see him glare at you, you'd best start to pissing in your white undies or he'll make you…with his fangs. When Bester gets too angry, his stripes start to show. That's right; he's a fucking liger and I'm the only person competent enough to get him to respect me. That's an honor. _Yes_, it's possible for me to feel honored. Honestly, this letter is too short for my tastes, but what can I say?

_Wax __poetic __for __a __little __while; __try __to __at __least __say __something __without __putting __an __obscenity __in __it._

The Varia…it's like having a dysfunctional family that you don't even like that way. Imagine all of the members of your family that you don't like. That's the Varia. Even though we'd all be fine—maybe even better off—without each other, we make it fucking work anyway. Because that's how we roll. I throw things at the shark, I shoot at the prince, and I abuse Levi whenever I can because that's just how we roll. We don't show those flowery feelings like concern and shit. We are who we are…and I guess this is going to sound really soft, but if they changed, I'd just kill 'em.

_You __call __that __soft?_

In closing, I'm Xanxus. I have two Xs in my name; I'm the Tenth two times over. I don't have Vongola blood running through my veins, but the game'd change if I ever did become Vongola Decimo. I like steak and any good liquor I can get my hands on; I hate the new watered-down flowery shit. I abuse and insult my squad because even through all of that, they would still follow me because I'm the fucking boss. I don't like fucking Mary-Sues and I damn well don't like Sawada or his flowery squad of pussies. Like I said at the beginning, fuck your plots, fuck your jokes, because I'm not gonna' change just to make _you _happy.

~ ( _Such an angry letter... _) ~

_An amused chuckle escaped the lips of the recipient of the letter. She had already heard it over the phone, but reading it now, she could hear the changes in Xanxus' perpetually irate tone. A shift from angry to reflective to livid to amused. The last paragraph had an air of finality in it. 'I'm Xanxus,' it said, 'and I ain't changing for you or for anyone, so shove it far up your ass'. _

"_I wouldn't have it any other way, Xanxus-kun." Then the letter was thrown nonchalantly in the fire the recipient was sitting in front of, the smell of burning paper filling the cozy space._

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><p><strong>* <strong>Turkey neck is an expression that everyone in my school uses more or less when they're dead serious. It's hilarious to hear coming from two guys about to get into a fistfight. "Man, I'mma 'bout t'sock you; turkey neck, nikkuh!" It's so funny.

So, Owari, and look out for more letters. I'll take some suggestions, if anyone has them...


End file.
